Today, we have the honor of welcoming a truly inspiring guest blog writer, Vallen, into our community. Vallen is not just a mother of beautiful earthside and heavenly children but also a resilient soul who has faced the profound depths of pregnancy loss. Her journey has transformed her into a beacon of strength and wisdom in the world of maternal courage.
After experiencing the heart-wrenching loss of her sweet angel baby, Vallen courageously dove into the world of pregnancy loss, determined to illuminate the path for others navigating similar journeys.
Welcome, Vallen, and thank you for sharing your extraordinary story with us.
21,000 babies are stillborn each year in the United States alone. This is roughly 1/175 births. When I gave birth to my daughter, Evelyn, I had no idea that babies could die. It wasn’t something I heard about, was told about, or experienced.
My daughter was stillborn at 40 weeks and 5 days after a perfect pregnancy. But not one doctor, midwife, or nurse told me this was possible in any pregnancy, even after having 2 normal, healthy pregnancies and 2 healthy, living children.
Hi! I’m Vallen, I’m a Mom of 5 children, 1 an angel baby. I’m a Postpartum Doula, Bereavement Doula, Pregnancy Loss Educator for Doulas and Host of, The Pregnancy Loss & Motherhood Podcast.
As you can probably see, I took my tragedy and tried to find a purpose and a passion to help other moms like me. I didn’t realize babies could die, most of us don’t unless we have been through it. This is why I started blazing a path in the Pregnancy Loss world.
There is so much change that needs to happen especially on the side of supporting these bereaved families. After Evelyn died, I started reaching out to local hospitals and asking if I could help support these families by coming in and sitting with the moms who needed extra support from another mom who had been there. So once in a while, I would get a call asking if I could come and help a family navigate the hardships of stillbirth.
So I started collecting data on what seemed to help the most, and what wasn’t helpful, and started creating my own support program you could say. I help families navigate the loss during the hospital stay to going home and up to a year after. Mostly just available over the phone or voxer to help them at their lowest points or during holidays or triggering times of the year.
I’m working on a program for loss moms that will help them navigate the grief and their new life after loss. I provide free resources on my website and also 1 on 1 coaching for moms who need extra help.
After I lost Evelyn, I knew I never wanted anyone to feel alone and isolated and full of shame and guilt. The ever-trending use of trigger warnings perpetuates these feelings and keeps the families from asking for help and reaching out when they need support. I refuse to use trigger warnings and honestly, I’m on a mission to stop them from being used in regards to pregnancy loss.
My loss also propelled me into creating an online course for Doulas and other perinatal professionals that helps them learn how to support these families after loss and how to navigate the pregnancy loss terrain that can be so delicate at times. I have free resources for doulas as well on the website.
I wanted to take my pain and find a way to channel it into something good rather than let the pain and anger steep and create resentment and hatred in me. I wanted to find the silver lining if you will, the good behind the bad. What I have found is that stillbirth and miscarriage happen and it sucks. It is the worst thing that can happen because it shifts our safety from the natural order of things into chaos where anything can happen.
We tend to have some sort of anxiety that may never go away. In the back of our minds, we have worse-case scenarios, nightmares, and negative thoughts and we do our very best every day to live outside of those things. It can be so hard, especially in the beginning. So if you are in a season of grieving after loss I want you to know a few things.
1. HOW YOU ARE FEELING IS VALID AND FOR THE MOST PART NORMAL.
I’m not a doctor, if you have intense feelings that are getting worse please get help.
2. Let yourself go through the feelings and emotions.
Let them come like waves hitting the shore. Yes, it hurts, and we want to run away, but sitting in them will allow you to really understand what you are feeling, and that in turn will allow those feelings to start subsiding.
3. You will experience joy, happiness, and laughter again.
If you can’t even imagine feeling that right now- you’re not there and that is OK! My point is to have hope, mama.
4. You are and will always be a mom
You are and will always be a mom even if you lose a baby ( especially for the mamas who have lost their 1st babies.)
I’m here to support and guide you in any way I can. You can find all my resources on my website and on Megan’s.
Vallen Webb
Pregnancy Loss & Motherhood Podcast and Pregnancy Loss Educator for Doulas
Vallen’s website: pregnancylosseducation.com
Vallen’s Resources: Pregnancy loss resources
20 Ways to Celebrate and Honor Your Baby Who Died
Vallen’s Podcast: Pregnancy Loss & Motherhood Podcast
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